I'm taking a 15 minute sanity break

before I begin reading my next book for class. Oh gawd.

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I LOST MY CAMERA NOO. I think it's in the darkroom. I hope and pray that it's in the darkroom or I am in deep-
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It rained today. It snowed yesterday. This weather is so dee-press-ing as Crystal would say.
Mac keys feel so nice and chiclet-y. I love them. So conducive to deep thought (that might be my imagination).

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2 and a half hour classes are long. Long long long.

__

Gah, I am so stressed.
Now I'm always losing things,
This is just crazy.

i'm too cool to capitalize.

I'm chilling in the MRC office (Multicultural Resource Center) with Ruodi who is now distracted as always. Haha and now we're laughing because that's what we always do. There's some really interesting, thought provoking books here about racism, sexism, class divides, history, and the like. I want to read them all. And watch all the movies. But I don't have time.
________________________

don't wake me i plan on sleeping in.

I really like this blog. Since I could never keep a journal when I was younger, this replaces that disappointment. I now have an online journal where I can say whatever I want (unless it's illegal or something). And that's a good thing.
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I haven't been able to focus lately. The book we're eading now isn't even that bad and I can't focus on it for more than a few minutes.

I messed up rolling film again. I had 2 perfect rolls, and now I'm messing it up again. RAWR.

After processing film I feel like I just always smell like developer. Good and bad.

Later tonight I will have my first taste of Boba tea.

I don't know if I want/can go home for spring break or not. Choices choices choices choices choices.

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Pandora.
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THIS WEEK:
-Usher
-Security
-international party
-read blackjacobinsandamercy
-movie movie
-study for geo
-take more shots

become unwired.

It's sad how wired we are as a world.

How do we get out of awkward situations? Pretend that we're texting. How do we ignore annoyances around us? Pop in our headphones. Can't we just *stop and smell the roses* once in a while?

Amherst is very famous (or at least kinda famous) for the "Amherst Awkward", the sense of awkwardness that pervades the social scene.
Basic points of the Amherst Awkward:
1. If you see someone you know walking ahead and you don't want to talk to them, slow down.
2. If you see someone walking towards you who you know, look down until you're at the right, non-awkward distance for a greeting. Too soon and you'll have the awkward time when you don't say anything and walk past each other. Too slowly, and you'll miss them. This is a science.
3. If you hang out with someone and they are drunk, and then you see them later while sober, don't expect them to remember you. If you try to say hi, it will probably be awkward.

Back to my point: let's NOT be wired. There should be a day where everyone puts away their cell phones, iPads, iPods, iPod Touches, anything electronic (except for a computer or something for work) and just enjoys the day. Breathe. Laugh. Smile. Talk to other people face to face!

I agree that phones are useful and sometimes necessary, but we shouldn't become mindless drones because of their convenience.

Just something to keep in mind.

This week:
try to get ahead in blst
prints for photo, start next assignment
get registered
practice
ach open house
movie for french
study geo and read

the swimming song-vetiver

I'm in a very indie banjo janglin' feel good mood
I'm in a good place, I have a manageable amount of work to do, I have awesome summer projects, I have not so cold weather, I have a knitting project and lovely chiclet apple keys underneath my fingers
and in a few minutes I'll be smelling developer and turning paper over and looking at test strips
and everything is fine

90th

Oh no, I was doing so well then life happened and I forgot about blogging. (or my 365. ehh it might become a 52 week thing because i feel like if i don't take a picture of something meaningful there's no point to taking a picture in the first place. plus digital just seems so...simple after all the work that i 'm doing in photo I. that was a long parenthetical statement.)
I still have 40 pages to read for today, 30 tomorrow, a reading log to do, knitting to learn, prints to make, lesson plans to figure out, and bathroom counters to identify.
good golly!

haiku

developer smell
woosh woosh snap splash snip
darkroom is my life

busybee

I thought I knew what busy meant-then I started spending 10-15 hours a week in the darkroom.
Phew. There goes any energy to do other homework!
Other than that, today was swell.
我兴奋地学习中文
I am excited to learn chinese----google translate, chyeah
on the list:
min quiz tomorrow
2 more prints...!
read more
french, read book

you better lose yourself in the music the moment you own it.

you better never let it go.

________________
Today I had a really interesting, dynamic discussion the meaning of racism in my Black Studies class. The book we were reading described racism as an ideology where one group of people is thought to have unchangeable characteristics that make it impossible for them to ever assimilate with another group. Thus, division based on religion can't be racism because one can always convert. This led us to discussing what America's fear of Muslims is...racism, or xenophobia. I believe it's rote xenophobia; if an everyday American say a man wearing a turban or a woman wearing a hijab on their plane, they'd probably get nervous. If these people were wearing American clothing, I don't think they'd feel that fear because those people would have assimilated.

Well that's my take.
In other words, V-Day wasn't as awkward as expected-let's hope it stays that way.

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To do this week:
Study minerals
study for french quiz friday
read for blst
more prints/shoots

and today, it was warm.

the temperature rose above freezing. when i tentatively left the darkroom, marvelling at the fact that it was already dark out, i felt a strange sensation...relative warmth. it was wonderful and also slightly weird.
today, i finally successfully rolled my film. it was a proud moment. i decided it works best if i do a roll at a time and just go in and do it without thinking.

tomorrow:
-get blst book/start reading form
-study minerals
-finish/submit aci app
-shoot more
-hope for non-awkward flower situation

My Wrists Hurt

and I'm still embarrassed by my failure at free styling well:
"I'm not an alcoholic but I like to take shots
I like to take good pictures, and I'm sad when they're not."
But I learned how to "tornado" and "helicopter" and I took many shots and I learned so much and it was really a great experience.
I can't wait to get back in the lab and start making new beats on Reason, maybe adding Carl Sagan to the track...
oh ho ho.

Snow Melting

today, on the way back from my run, i saw a patch of grass. Green, wet, muddyish grass. It was a beautiful moment, inspiring me to continue running even though I'd just stumbled up a horrible hill and felt like death. The fact that the snow is GOING AWAY made me incredibly happy.
It's supposed to snow on Saturday though. BOF.

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To-do this weekend:
finishing shooting first pan/self portrait roll and make contact sheet/one print for last assignment
watch documentary/take notes and study for mineral quiz
epilogue
french c

photos, phish, foolishness

Taking photography (I KNOW I KNOW I'VE TALKED ABOUT IT IN EVERY POST FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS) is making me want to be a photojournalist...again. I know I'll be starving if I choose that route, but still, I just feel like capturing the world and making the unseen seen would be such a rewarding experience.
Today was a long day, but I learned so much. I saw amazing slides in Photo (Henri Cartier-Bresson...a master of photography. And he didn't even develop his own prints). I met up and discussed plans for applying for the Dalai Lama Fellowship which Ruodi, Crystal and I are hoping to get in order to implement a system of financial literacy workshops and an art program where students will sell their artwork for profit...in my grandma's village in Kenya. I hope it works. Regardless, I will be in Kenya this summer...if all goes well.

On the menu for tomorrow:
gym
dance (and practice breakdancing)
try shooting self portrait (can't be of self)
meeting for kenya
geo reading

Ahead

I really enjoy being slightly ahead with my work. It's so different from last semester, when I always had something to read or write or do. Now, I have more time for myself (when I'm not in the darkroom or in Geo lab) and it's wonderful. After I write this up I'm gonna look at some study abroad programs, my favorite way to procrastinate. Paris or Nice? Or Morocco or Madagascar or Senegal? Je ne sais pas.

On the menu for the rest of the week:
Finish reading geo/study for mineral quiz
Finish the epilogue of blst
GO TO THE GYM!
Meet up to talk about dalai lama fellowship
hip hop hw

The darkroom is a frustrating place.
Especially putting the film on the reel in the dark. I messed up another roll of film by reeling it on wrong. RAWR!

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In other news:
Frisbee is fun but I'm hella sore
I have a tolerable amount of reading. Ahead in BLST.
I don't like practicing late. Also there's lots of tools on my floor. Meaning college boys who think they're hot stuff. They need to shut up right....now....nope.
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Since I'm obviously not in the best blogging mood (but my normal mood is fine, je promis!) I'll just leave a haiku here.
(Those boys really need to shut UP)

keep quiet, children
no one cares about your crap
we just want to sleep

(I'm not that annoyed, I was just happy that what I wanted to say fit into those syllabic patterns.)

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On the menu for thursday/friday:
-finish hip hop homework
-3 beats at diff. bpms
-4 lines of a rap
-a dance
-next photo assignment, processing, and first prints
-blst book
-geo reading and mineral quiz studying
-current event,type up summary (french)

Classes

It feels so good to say I really like all of my classes. Even though photo takes up a lot of time and money, black studies makes me realize how bad I am at discussion, french is almost too easy (right now, at least), and geo is, well, about rocks, I really like them all. It's hard to say which one is my favorite right now-geo and photo are competing for the title.
It's also nice to know I'm kinda finding out what I want to do. If all goes well, I want to be a ____ & French major. Yes...double majoring, because French is a super easy major to complete. I'm 1/4 of the way through. You only need 8 French classes, one in 18th-19th century lit, and one in medieval history. If I take 4 when I study abroad fall of junior year (hopefully in Nice) I'll be done by the time I get back. And no thesis is required.
What will fill up the ___? Geology? Art and the History of Art? History?
For now, je ne sais pas. everything in its own time.

On the menu for tonight:
20ish pages of racism: a short history
__ish pages of black and white photography by henry horenstein
if possible, read more geo
tomorrow, finish shooting film and process after geo lab

Ultimate is back in session. Yes, practice is at 9:30-11 at night because intramural basketball takes the gym at all times, and yes, suicides were terrible, but playing a scrimmage for the first time in months was so much fun. And I actually got a point, wahoo!

I'm now sore, hyped up and not wanting to do my reading. I've just eaten two packets of oatmeal (brain food yo) and am now listening to a Dr. Who/Green Day Holiday mashup (yee tumblr) and enjoying a bit of peace before learning about antisemitism in the medieval age.

Photography, art?

People wonder if photography is art. If I take a machine, without knowing anything about aperture, iso, shutter speed and the like, and then take a picture which is accidentally aesthetically pleasing, did I make art?

Some people believe art requires some sort of effort on the part of the artist.
Today I learn how much effort it entails.
Developing film is a long process. It begins with putting film on a reel by opening the canister and turning a reel while keeping the film steady, trying not to twist the film, and cutting the end of the film off.
In the dark.
This was easily one of the hardest things I've ever had to do-my sense of sigh was completely gone, and I had to rely on touch and sound to get the film on the reel. I failed-parts of my film were undeveloped-but I'm still glad I got SOME film developed.
The rest of the process required developer, stop bath (to stop development), fixer, and fix remover. These processes were timed and agitation (shaking the canister of film with the reels to make sure all the film gets the liquid) was only at very specific times. Measurements were incredibly important. It was hard, but rewarding.

When I removed my now purple film from the reels, I was amazed to see my photos in negative form. I then dried and cut the film into 5 squares each. Although some/most of it is marred by not being developed, I'm still proud.

And so, I think that's quite a bit of effort...so it must count as art.

On the menu for this week:
Finish last photo assignment/process film
BLST book (no reading form gasp yes)
Geo readings and mineral quiz thing/lab
French readings

My wrists are so sore from breakdancing today.



Today, Nomadic Wax, an international fair trade record company, came to Amherst and gave 7 of us Jeffs lessons in freestyling, djing, break dancing, and beatmaking. It was incredibly fun. My favorite was beatmaking and using this program called reason to make beats which we will then freestyle with next week at a performance. There will also be a break battle. AHHHH!

I liked learning how AMERICAN hip hop is, how much improvisation is involved, and how much art is involved. Really eye opening.

There was a b-girl (break dancing girl) from France, who taught us how to break. Her name was B Girl FraK (look her up on YouTube!)

There was also an Italian D.J and the head of the company actually went to Hampshire and studied the relationship between hip hop and political change in Senegal.

Supercooldude.

I had fun with Crystal, making fools of ourselves freestyling.

And now I'm listening to Outkast (atl represent!)

forever, foreveever, foreverever?



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYxAiK6VnXw

Adaptation

Before I left for Amherst, the scariest thing I thought I would have to face and adapt to was the New England winter. As the weather got chillier, I thought to myself, "This isn't so bad." Now, with highs barely reaching 20 degrees Fahrenheit and a 30 degree day feeling like summer, I feel like I've completely adapted. The secret to getting through winter here is learning to get used to snow and cold, and buying a good pair of boots, gloves, and a hat.

Although I've gotten used to it, summer still seems really far away when there's two blizzards around the corner (after already having 2) and I hear about 70 degree weather at home and school being delayed because of rain. Laughing, I think to myself that if this were Winston, there wouldn't have been school for a month (or more).

At any rate, I don't think I'll be getting Seasonal Affective Disorder anytime soon, which is a good thing.

This weekend:
Sparkle Ball
Hip Hop Workshop with a fair trade record company (IDK how that works)
Geo HW (Identify minerals)
BLST Reading Form and Last 12 pages of book
French chapter
Photo shutter speed/d.o.f assignment and process film

Nostalgia

I was looking back on my old blog posts, and saw a line that amused me about my first day at Amherst (during orientation): "The air here smells like education." I was probably drunk on excitement at the moment. However, my first few moments at Amherst were memorable; I remember the hot weather, the peace demonstrators in town, the crowds of freshmen students wandering around with their parents, and the green quad filled with cars. I was nervous about my roommate, and classes, and money, and making friends. It was the most awkward and amazing week of my life. I learned so much, went camping for the first time, and learned how to live with another person. Everything felt new and different, I was adapting to life "up north" and I was still excited about the Ice Cream and fro yo at Val. That was a good feeling, and I'm sad I've lost it as work started up and things got more stressful. However, I'm glad I met so many new people who I would never have associated before. I'm planning great things, and doing new activities, and learning everyday. The air DID smell like education, and possibility, and a new beginning. Now it smells a bit more like soy sauce and snow mush, but that's alright. I'm remember why I love Amherst so much and how grateful I am to be here.

life

I'm so disorganized. I can't even put together an interesting blog post which no one reads anyways. That's why I use lists so often.
I have recently created a Xanga (I know right?) because a friend of mine blogs on Xanga. So I think I will start "blogging" for real now and not just spilling out incoherent thoughts.
If you want to follow it, you need a Xanga. Retro, right? It's almost hipster.
Well that's about it.
Hello my one follower, Aly!